SE: Until Now Ch. 4- Acceptance

I could still feel Soul’s delicious warmth as we rode away to our apartment in comfortable silence. I went up to get my duffel bag and safely tucked it behind me before heading towards the airport.

Soul parked his bike to the nearest elevator and took my hand in his. We rode the elevator in silence, our hands locked in a frozen state. I stared at our reflection from the sliding doors with great interest. We looked like the ideal pairing of a man and woman rather than a weapon and meister. I’ve never considered Soul as just a weapon nor just that friend. He means a lot to me, but the reason for that entitlement still remains unknown to me, he was just important.

The elevator rang, announcing our arrival in a droning manner before opening the doors into the cool night. We walked out, hands still intact, towards the pedestrian cross walks. I was surprised to see the congested street on this night. It was unusual to see a huge amount of people during a week night.

“Lively as ever, huh?” Soul commented.

I glanced at him with a dazed manner for only a fraction of a second, before looking away. “Mm.”

“So which plane are you riding?” he asked once we entered the airport entrance.

“I’m not sure. He just said that Professor Stein will meet me at the departure point.”

Soul glanced at the watch on his free hand with indifference then returned to its idling state. “Well, we have half an hour to kill until then, what do you want to do?”

“Hmm…” I hummed, “well I should check in first. Then let’s look around the gift shop.”

Soul shrugged, “Fine with me.” His eyes wandered away from mine and remained glued to a certain direction.

“Hey, what’s up Soul?”

A half grin formed on Soul’s lips as he returned his gaze to me. “I wonder why there would be a photo booth at a place like this.”

“Eh?”

Sure enough, there was a mini photo booth standing by the gift shop entrance. It had a ridiculous amount of flashy, cute animals with bubbles, hearts, and sparkles surrounding them.

“Well what do you know; there is one here after all. Soul, let’s take a picture together!”

“Tch, so you’re that kind of girl too,” Soul clucked.

“What’s that suppose to mean?” my cheeks puffed out, pouting at his comment. “I just want to take a picture with you, that’s all.”

Soul stared into my eyes with half closed, indifference etched on his face. “I guess it can’t be helped,” the albino shrugged. He reached into his pocket and fished out a couple dollar bills. “What are you gawking at? I thought you wanted to get a picture, tiny tits.”

It took every ounce of my will power to resist pulling out a book from my duffel bag and smashing him senseless. In the end, I was successful. With an exasperated sigh of frustration, I squeezed Soul’s hand tightly and dragged him in the booth, refusing to look at his eyes.

The argument was quickly forgotten when we entered the small booth. Soul wriggled his hand from mine and fed the machine his money. Almost immediately, an annoying, squeaky soprano voice greeted us along with instructions and selections.

“Please select a background you desire.”

“Wow, they have everything,” I awed.

“They all look the same to me,” Soul commented, “hurry up and choose one.”

“I can’t choose… they’re all cute.”

“Fine, then we’ll let faith decide,” he responded. Without further questioning, he took my right hand and set it over the down arrow, his remained on top. For a brief moment, Soul appeared highly concentrated as thirty backgrounds raced across the screen at a blinding speed. He waited for several more seconds before slamming his hand on the select button.

“Thank you!” the woman’s voice replied, “Now you’ll be taking five photos for this special background you have selected. You’ll be given five seconds per shot, so make sure you have those pearly whites ready! We’ll begin now! Make sure you’re within--” the voice droned on and on for another couple seconds. Meanwhile, Soul and I planned our second pose.

“Smile!” the robotic voice stated and we obliged. In five seconds, we made another face, one with immature spontaneity. I giggled softly from a short view of the picture. Another five seconds, Soul and I attacked each other’s faces with our hands and fingers. Soul and I laughed as we stared at the preview. We were too caught up with laughing that we had forgotten about the fourth shot. I opened my eyes stop get ready for the next one when I finally noticed Soul’s and my close proximity. Our foreheads were connected, eyes leveled, and nose barely touching. The air in my lungs stopped working as if there was something blocking my throat from further function. I could feel Soul’s warm breath softly caress my cheeks with gentle care, like they were his very own fingers. My mind fell disoriented with overwhelming questions revolving around our current state. Why couldn’t I just pull away? I wondered.

I heard the familiar soprano voice count down from an inaudible, deafening distance, but I was too conscious of the crescendo of my beating heart. It seemed like hours before Soul finally moved. His face was no longer leveled with mine, but replaced with his neck. Flash!

“Thank you for your patronage! Your pictures are now ready!” the robot’s voice echoed through my dazed sate. Soul was the first to leave the booth while I scrambled to keep my composure. I stared at Soul’s back through the thin fabric, wondering what the hell just happened.

“Looks like there’s one for both of us,” he muttered.

“Oh? That’s great! At least we won’t have to cut them apart.” I made my way out of the curtain with shuddering fingers. I was thankful that Soul’s back was still facing me.

There was a moment of silence, and I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through his head. Before I could mutter my concern, he spoke.

“Maybe it’s best that we get another one instead,” Soul suggested.

“What? Come on, Soul, they can’t be too bad.”

I walked in front of Soul and was greeted with an unusual sight. Soul was covering his mouth with one of his long, slender fingers. His eyes were transfixed at the picture at hand, and his face was painted as red as his pupils. He appeared frazzled and perplexed in contrast to his usual cool composure. It simply amazed me that he would show such an expression. It made me curious about the picture all the more.

“What’s wrong with them? Let me see.”

Soul pulled the strips away. “I’m telling ya, they’re not good.”

“I don’t care! I wanna see.” I took the card away form him and carefully scanned the images.

The first picture was us smiling at the machine’s command. Soul was actually smiling that that rare, infamous, heart throbbing half grin of his while I smiled like an innocent school girl.

The second picture was our silly faces. I was smiling like a buzzed drinker with a psychopathic smile. There was something about that face that reminded me of my state under the black blood. Soul, on the other hand, had a dazed, serious expression, in his eyes while his lips parted to reveal his sharp shark-like teeth. It was as if he was saying something in an over exaggerated manner.

The third was us probing at each other’s face. Soul had one arm draped over my shoulder while the other pulled at my cheek, stretching it towards him. I had an annoyed, wincing expression on my face, but I returned the favor by pulling on both of his cheeks. Soul had a bored expression on his face while drool formed at the side of his lips. He was used to this kind of torture on a daily basis. While me, in contrast, not so much.

The fourth was a candid shot of us laughing. Soul and I had our eyes closed as we faced one another. A smile formed on my lips as I stared at Soul’s reaction. He looked like he was truly enjoying himself—a very rare sight to see when we were together. I grew to like this picture just because of that reason alone.

The last one had deflated my smile for it was the moment where my heart had stopped. It was undeniable that I had a flustered composure. My face was bright red, dazed, and locked in place. Soul had positioned his head higher than mine. His left hand pushed a stray of bangs to his left, away from the camera, followed by kissing my forehead. It was a gentle, heart warming picture. This was a side of Soul no one has ever seen before, and now it is captured in this tangible piece of paper.

One thing that surprised me while scanning the photo from top to bottom was the gradual decreasing space between us as each shot progressed. It started off with at least ten inches, and ended with a gentle kiss.

I wasn’t sure how to comment about the strip but I honestly didn’t think that they were bad at all. I tried to keep my composure, but of course the increasing warmth on my face betrayed it.

“It’s good,” I shook off, “this will do.” I tore the paper at the divided point, flipped it, and dug my duffel bag for a pen.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Writing the date so we can look back at it someday,” I stated nonchalantly.

Soul chuckled quietly as I glared at him. Strangely, his gruff voice served as a soothing relief in this awkward state. “You never change, Maka.”

“Heh,” my disapproving scowl quickly transformed into an approving grin. As soon as I finished, I handed him his strip. He took my hand in his while he our picture. I had safely placed mine in my duffel bag along with the pen before continuing our mini adventure within the gift shop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Attention: flight 463 is now boarding passengers. Please make your way to West Gate 16 immediately. I repeat attention…

I glanced at my ticket at hand, reading the bolded letters at the front: Flight 463.

“It’s time I should go,” I stated depressed.

“Yeah, let’s go,” Soul replied. He released my entwined hand only to wrap it around my waist. A complaint built itself in my throat and I was ready to hit Soul for planning something with this action. But right now, this arm was supporting my weak, wobbling legs from collapsing.

I wasn’t nervous because of our good byes, no, I was nervous about the behavior I was going to display at that moment. I don’t know how to handle this.

Instead of focusing about my reaction, I wrapped my mind around the early day’s event. Before we headed out to Death Buck Café, Soul left the mail on the coffee table as usual. I was happy to see Mom’s usual post card within the pile. I was always excited whenever I received a post card from Mom—it always made my days. Today’s letter, however, was unusual and confusing. Mom had always been the type to say things in a straight forward manner in her letter, but today she told me a life lesson relevant to her travels. I understand her message, but I couldn’t find its importance.

I had brushed the thoughts, the letter itself, aside up until now. Mom’s letter sat at the top of my clothes within my bag, mocking me for my inability to comprehend the connection.

“We’re here,” Soul stated. He looked at me with a concerned expression before lifting a brow. “Is something eating at you again?” I glanced at the ground. He didn’t need an answer. “What is it?”

“Can you hand me my bag?”

Soul questioned my motive, but handed me my bag anyway. I unzipped the bag and fished out a post card from Holland.

“Oh yeah, your mom’s letter came in today,” Soul recalled, “but don’t you always wear that goofy grin of yours when you read her letters?”

I glared at him, but decided to brush the chastising aside. “I do, but there’s something odd in her letter today.” I flipped the post card over. “She’s always straight forward in her message, so it’s surprising to read an analogy in her letter.”

“What does it say?” Soul asked, interested.

“She wrote about her well being and travel at Holland, and then she said: The world holds beauty in every place you travel, but beauty is also deceiving. One day you’ll find a place that will stand out the most to you, and you will take that risk to remain there. I hope you’ll find that place someday. Don’t be a wanderer forever. So what do you think?”

“Well, it does sound like an analogy to something,” Soul began, “that or she wants to live in Holland.”

“I doubt it,” I disagreed, “Mom loves to travel a lot. She wouldn’t stay in one place for too long.”

“Then let’s beak it down a bit—we have time right?”

“Yeah. Professor Stein is supposed to pick me up from here, but I think he’s running late.”

“Okay so… the world holds beauty in every place you travel, but beauty is deceiving. Doesn’t that remind you of madness?”

“How is madness involved in this?” I questioned.

“Remember when we were younger, Maka? That time with the clown?”

It dawned on me, “Oh! Are you saying that it’s like that analogy you made with madness in music?”

“Precisely. She’ saying something about taking risks--”

“—because everything in the world has madness.” Soul nodded approvingly. “Then on the next line she says that I will find something that I will risk myself for. But I’ve been risking my life since the day I attended the academy.”

“I think it’s more than that,” Soul commented, “I’m sure she’s aware of our situation, so this should be a little more personal to you.”

“A little more personal…” I repeated. I read the post card again and again, fitting in our paraphrased meaning as a substitute. Risk… personal… place… happiness… “Tell me, Soul,” I began. The meaning was already at the tip of my tongue, but I wanted to confirm my answer with this simple question—the final piece of the puzzle.

“You got it?”

“Almost,” I replied, “but tell me, a wanderer is a person who travels place to place without a destination in mind, right?”

“That’s it, but what does that have to do with it?”

I stared at him, allowing the silence to let it sink in to him. His eyes widened with realization then met mine with understanding.

“The letter has to deal with your mom,” Soul stated, “about her past experience.”

That was it. That was the final piece and it all became clear to me. My former answer had been correct all along. I should have known about my feelings; I should have taken the time to understand them until this point. Why had I suppressed them for so long? Was I too blind to see it or was it the fear to acknowledge it?

I looked away from Soul with embarrassment. For the past two days, we have been dancing on the line that determined our relationship. If that moment at the park had continued, then the barrier, my haven, would have been destroyed.

“So, you finally figured it out?” the statement came out as a confirmation rather than a question.

I didn’t reply. I felt stupid with this slow registration of a mind I owned.

I felt Soul’s hands cup my cheeks to make me look at him. These suppressed feelings; I didn’t want to hide it anymore from him.

“Why are you crying?” he asked alarmed. His thumbs wiped the tears forming from my eyes.

“I-I’m n-not crying!”

“Who are you kidding, Maka?” he retorted. He stared long and hard into my eyes as if they were persuading me to open everything to him; to give him everything I am: my fears, my vulnerability, my emptiness. He wanted all of them, all these secrets I bottled up.

“Idiot! You knew!” I accused, while pulling my face away from his hands.

“Well it’s not a hard concept to understand,” Soul replied.

“So you’re not denying it!”

“I didn’t say I did, Maka!” Soul growled as he took my hands in his and roughly pulled me into him, embracing me to his chest. I didn’t have the strength to pull away, nor did I want to. I remained frozen, my arms dropped beside me in an idling manner.

“Can’t I be that place, Maka?” Soul asked in a gentle, soft tone that it was almost inaudible to grasp. “Can’t you see me as someone more than just your damn partner?”

The tears I held at bay flooded down my cheeks and onto Soul’s shirt. My hands wrapped themselves around his waist and gripped the fabric on his back.

Why did I have to understand these feelings now? Why did I have to say goodbye to him now? Why did I have to be separated from him? It’s not fair at all. They were talking me away from him when I finally understood these feelings, finally understood the concept of love. I don’t want to leave Soul’s side. I don’t want a new partner! I don’t want anyone else but Soul! He is my beautiful place. He is the only person I will risk anything for. He saved me from loneliness and emptiness, and without him, I’m that wanderer… I’d be just like Mom.

“I feel so stupid right now,” I murmured. Soul ran his fingers through my hair in a comforting manner. “I Found where I want to be, Soul,” I looked up to meet his eyes, “I want to be by your side.”

Soul’s eyes softened the moment those words left my lips. His eyes shimmered with pure happiness as he cupped my face between his long, strong hands. He took this opportunity to bend towards me, our face inching closer and closer at a slow, painstaking pace. The sound of my drumming heart filled my ears, drowning out the bustling passengers. I felt misdirected and disoriented, like I was walking through large maze in the middle of the night.

I don’t like this… I’m scared…

“Maka,” Soul called out gently. He appeared nervous and unsure and I was surprised that he would react like this too. It was obvious that I wasn’t the only one going through the same ominous confliction, and strange enough, it comforted me, just a little. “I wanna try something,” he continued, “if you don’t like, just stop me. I’ll understand.”

My throat felt as dry as the desert. I could barely squeak out a word. “I- I see…”

Soul took this to proceed. He closed the distance with our noses touching, lips only a millimeter apart. His eyes remained opened, boring into mine with hypnotizing intensity. I felt my cheeks set a flame due to the closeness and the unusual amount of attention he’s ravishing me. Then he connected our lips, with a soft brush. His eyes continued to stare into mine, searching for signs of distress before proceeding. He tried again but this time, he locked our lips in place. His eyes slowly closed, causing me to reflect the same action. I felt the electricity rush through me again, flooding me with overwhelming warmth, pleasure, and the familiar tingling sensation. I felt like I was levitating off the ground with these emotions powering as fuel. I never imagined how Soul’s lips felt against mine. I never believed that his sharp mouth would be so gentle, firm and soft. They were strangely addicting, and I just wanted nothing more but to kiss Soul over and over again; it just seemed right to do so. Then I felt light headed and I had regrettably pulled out of the kiss.

He looked at me with confusion and hurt, but when he saw my state, he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Don’t tell me you forgot to breathe,” he chuckled.

My face continued to burn red with embarrassment. “It’s not like I know what I’m doing, Soul. This is my first kiss after all.”

A gentle smirk graced his lips, “I know.” He pulled me back into a hug, shielding my face from view.

“S-Soul?”

“Just stay like this for a while, Maka,” he murmured. Then in a venomous tone he continued, “I don’t like how those guys eye you when you’re embarrassed.”

I looked up to see the direction Soul’s daggered eyes were directed and followed them to see two guys flinch back from his glare.

“Aren’t you being a little too--?”

“—jealous?” Soul finished. He laughed with dry sarcasm, “It’s so uncool. I don’t know why I’ve been acting like this for years. It’s been growing intense these past few days.”

I wrapped my arms around Soul and gripped his back with my balled fists. I rested my face on his chest with a small smile on my face. “Okay.”

All passengers for flight 463 will be departing in ten minutes.

I pulled away form Soul, my hands rested on his chest. “Will you wait for me until I return?” I asked.

Soul smiled softly, “There’s no one else I’d rather wait for.” He cupped my cheeks in his hands. “Even if it takes all eternity.”

I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Soul with every emotion I held for him, hoping that he would receive the message. He responded to the kiss with delight and wrapped his arms around my waist. There was so much passion, earnest, and love in this kiss in comparison with the first gentle, soft kiss. It was as if this was the last kiss we’ll ever share with one another.

A cough brought us to jump apart from one another with surprise. Professor Stein stood then there with one hand in his usual lab coat pocket and the other holding on to his luggage. “If you two are finished, then it’d be best that we head on our way.”

With a soft clear of throat, I nodded and took Soul’s hand in mine to give it one last squeeze. “I’ll be expecting you,” I smiled. “Goodbye for now, Soul.”

“Good bye, Maka,” he replied with a tender, sad tone.

“Don’t worry, Soul,” Professor Stein spoke as I walked by his side, “I’ll keep her safe.”

Soul smirked, “Heh, I know you will. Just keep those hounds away from her.”

Stein chuckled and walked ahead, “Got it.”

I took one last meaningful look at Soul and waved to him before walking into the entrance with a new goal implanted for this mission.